Chapter Four: Socially Under Contruction

Chapter Four: Socially Under Contruction

Get up, do what you want
Before, before it's too late
Don't, don't worry yourself
Of others I don't think
Kick down the door
To hell for more
Severe injections - a lethal dose

Antisocial -Front Line Assembly



My eyes flutter as I open them to the amazingly white lit room and I blink furiously under the intensity. A grumble escapes from my lips and I heave myself into a sitting position. I instantly feel dizzy and my hand collides with my temple as if to block out the intrusion. I groan and fall back on a soft pillow.

Images flash through my mind as I remember an almost-encounter from earlier today. Or was it yesterday? Two days? I don't have any intuition on how long I had been sleeping. The disturbing man in the cot next to mine... I throw a glance briefly to the cot on my left and find it empty, the sheets crisp and newly pressed against the mattress. Good. Mr. Tattoo James is gone. On the other hand, there was Jame's doctor... Edward.

Velvet. Voice from the grave. Who had a crooked smile that made me blush and experience feelings so abstract and new to me I didn't know how to piece them together. Piercing green eyes that stared straight into my mangled soul.

But he's leaving my conscious now. Fading so slowly. I grip onto him with my fingertips but I'm weak, so weak. He slips and fades and diminishes and now I'm unloved and uncared for. I sigh and close my eyes to less pleasant memories... No matter how hard I try to shut them out...

"Shit, Bella. Get a hold of yourself and clean the damn bathroom before Phil comes over! Don't you know how much you've let it go, it's disgusting! I want it spotless and sparkling before he gets here!" Renee throws a dishtowel and holds the Windex out to me with a trembling hand. She's been drinking. The sickly stench of alcohol leaks from her mouth and her breath assaults me.

"I'm sorry," Is all I manage to sputter.

"Damn straight you're sorry!" Renee harshly squishes the trigger of the Windex bottle. The blue, chemical liquid gathers around my face and mouth. I instinctively squeeze my eyes shut before it can enter. That would've stung like hell. I do cough though, as fumes spread and leak up to my eyes. They tear and I put my hands over my face, trying to push it out before it reaches my brain. Get out get out get out. Get out! It takes whatever self-control I have to not scream in agony. I fold my arms across my head to conceal my emotions. Renee cannot win. I stay in that position -fetal on the floor of the kitchen- for what seems like hours before I hear her footsteps recede.

I take a shakey breath and then bear it out as I scour the bathroom, which isn't even dirty. I shouldn't have done any work at all, but I did it all vigorously just in case Renee decided to check up on me. Which is extremely unlikely, considering the doorbell just rang and Phil would be barging in any second whether my mother answered the door or not. Just as I suspected, Phil bounded across the hallway outside of the bathroom I was disinfecting and yelled.

"Renee! Where are you?!" His words were slurred, and I could almost feel the alcohol-ridden stench across my face, even though Phil and I were separated by thick concrete walls.

"Here! I'm over here, Philly!" I can barely hear Renee call from the living room, where she is undoubtedly perched on the loveseat glued to the television.

"Woman, don't you ever call me Philly." Phil seethed, and I flinch, scared for my mother and admittedly myself. "I'm from Wisconsin."

The line is so cliché I almost laugh out loud but I don't knowing Phil would come looking for me if he heard it. I cover my mouth with my hands as I try to stifle the laugh bubbling up in my throat but I end up coughing because of the chemicals residing in my skin. I can't help but be loud.

Shit.

Phil rounds the corner and his head pokes around the siding of the bathroom door.

"Hey, Bells. So nice to see you." He smirks so evilly at me and I'm afraid I'll actually piss my pants. Images assault me from every angle as I remember what he did... I wretch into the toilet I had just cleaned and that immediately turns Phil off, but not before he laughs and his palm caresses my cheek sickeningly.

"What's the matter, Kitten?"

I wretch my meager lunch into the porcelain. It doesn't stop. I'm glad it doesn't. Phil takes his hand away and shuffles out. He must be squeamish. I wretch until there's nothing left inside and acidic bile pours into the toilet. My body convulses and shakes and I lay on the bathroom tiles until I hear Phil's footsteps recede out of the front door.



"Bella?"

I wake up.

"...Wh-what..?"

"Hey Bella, you've been sleeping for a while, but we'll give you a drug so you can stay alert, okay?"

It's Alice. The Pixie. I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm in the haven of a hospital. And it feels so good. Not having to wake up to my mother's screams and lashes and sick torments. Not to work, or school... or... Phil. I shake images I don't want away and lift my eyes. They're sticky, but I manage to thrust them open to, yours truly, Alice the Pixie.

"Hi...Alice. And yes, please, give me whatever medicine to stay awake. Please. I don't want, I can't...dream anymore."

If it's even called a dream. More like nightmares. As I sleep in this hospital I'm attacked with flashbacks of my past. Dark and haunting with no escape. No future for me besides pain and pain and then finally death. Here it's a sweet haven, and I don't ever want to sleep again for the rest of my life, if possible. I will do whatever it takes to stay awake.

Alice pats my head reassuringly and with a little sympathy. I'm happy she's my personal nurse, instead of Jessica. But- I wouldn't mind if Edward was.

"I'll just set it up now, then, if you'd like." She smiles at me and I nod as she unwraps a new needle from a package and sticks it into the top of a bottle filled with clear, crisp liquid. I read the name on the bottle. Paraquin. It's a medicine I've never heard of or taken before. The liquid oozes into the pocket of the needle and Alice lifts it up and professorially taps the tip of the needle with her finger and some pops out of the top, like water from a hose.

"Are you ready?" Alice must sense my evasiveness to sharp objects. Especially needles. I shake my head 'yes' and she sticks the needle into the crook of my elbow. I sigh with pleasure as energy surges through me immediately. I'm wide awake, and so full of energy. I want to run for miles, or jump in the air, or dance at a high-end club until the break of dawn. Move to the beat. Fluid, restless, moving.

"Wow." Is all I say, and that's all she'll get.

"I know, pretty powerful stuff, huh? It keeps us all going." Alice taps the needle again and it creates a clean, high-pitched ding. It reminds me of her voice.

"What do you mean...keeps you all going?" I ask.

"Doctors and nurses rarely sleep here, Bella. We have so much work to do, and sleep is pretty much pointless anyway, isn't it? Unless, of course, you want to dream. Which is why I sleep every chance I get." Alice winks at me and I wonder what she dreams about. Maybe her husband? Jessica did call her Mrs. Hale...

"Do you have a husband, Alice?" A seemingly random question to her, I would assume. Or maybe she could guess from the wink she gave me that I would catch the hint.

"Oh yes, I am." She smiles and shows my a very flashy -and dare a say, heavy- wedding ring. It's silver and the simple massive diamond sparkles luminously in the bright lights of the room. "To Mr. Jasper Whitlock Hale." she smiles again, and I wonder if that woman ever frowns.

"Well, er, I'm happy for you, Alice." Really, I was. It's always nice to see someone else so happy. Even if it reminds me of the void inside my chest that will never be filled.

"Really? Oh Bella, we're going to be great friends, I can tell!" She claps her hands excitedly and I have the urge to roll my eyes. Which of course I don't, because I respect Alice the Pixie, and she seems to be a genuinely nice person.

"Yah, Alice... really great friends." My eyes prick a little, and I wipe my eyes quickly while she glances away quickly at the opening door. I've never had a friend before. It feels...nice. But so alien. I don't know how I feel about the whole situation.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice calls, and waves him over.

Edward? Edward's here? Shit, I must look like... well, shit. For sleeping so long, as Pixie had put it. Although I feel so radiant with energy from this miracle medicine, I run my hands through my hair before I give up on the mob at the base of my neck, threatening to strangle me.

"Hello, Alice." Edward gives Alice a hug and her small frame is almost lost in his embrace. The hug ends after a few seconds and I'm so glad that Edward's name isn't Jasper. Come to think of it, I don't even know this man's full name. It's just Edward. Edward Velvet Voice. It has a certain ring to it...

"Bella, I'd like you to meet Edward, my twin."

Twin?! I would have never guessed.

"Hello, Bella, I've seen you around." Edward bestows his infamous crooked smile and holds out his long hand. I take it in mine timidly and his fingers completely engulf mine. I blush and pull my hand away first.

"So... you two are twins?" Well duh. But I'd like to confirm.

"We're fraternal." Alice chimes, and wraps a thin arm around Edward's waist briefly before letting go. Edward nods and seems a little bored. He's probably had this conversation roughly a thousand times in his life span.

"Bella, I want to give you a tour of the Cullen Project C21-oh, kay? It'll be fun, it's a very interesting place. Although, I don't know why you don't remember, silly girl!" Alice ruffles my already straggly hair and I chuckle a little just to give her some amusement. "Besides, you must want to stretch your muscles."

Exactly. They are very stiff and I'm about to stretch my arms up but think better of it. My pits probably smell like dog crap.

"Um, I'd like to take a shower or something, first. Freshen up, if you don't mind." I cock my head to the side and Alice nods, understanding. Edward coughs and shifts his weight from foot to foot. He's wearing sandals. SAN-DALS. They're camel colored and extremely casual. He's a doctor, for crying out loud. What the hell. It's so hot.

"Er, I have to go check on some of my patients. Good-bye Alice." He gives her a warm hug. I want to replace Alice. I'd like to be wrapped in lean arms like his. "Nice meeting you, Bella."

I blush and watch him briskly walk out of the double sliding doors.

"Good-bye, Edward." I whisper, too low for anyone to hear.

End of chapter four.